It’s been almost 2 years, and I still miss her as much as ever. Being here, perhaps, makes me think of her even more. Doing housework and cooking reminds me of her… Memories of her looking after us when we were little, doing housework, and cooking for us keep coming back. Looking up to the clouds whenever we are on the road reminds me that she is in heaven, looking down and smiling down on us. The reality that I would never see her on this earth again still stings and hurts, but I am so very thankful that because of Jesus, I will one day be reunited with her again in heaven.
This is something I wrote a few months back when I was still in Singapore… A friend once told me that the grieving process could take months, or years… Perhaps, I really am still grieving. But yet not without hope, because of Jesus… And this ‘poem’ (if it can be considered one) helped me to express how I felt, and still feel.
The Unspoken Sadness
Below the happy smiles and laughter that each day brings, may lie a sad memory buried deep beneath
A loss so devastating, too far gone, too painful to repeat
Could it be that the wound has healed? Or mastery of concealment of a pain so persistent?
Memories still floating
Images of beauty
And endless pining
The irony of sweet memories –
Painful to rehearse
Once the person who created them
Is no longer near
But one must carry on the life beautifully created by the one who left her behind
Yet it is not with total despair, for Jesus has given hope of reconciliation
In the Day when all tears will be wiped away
Without Him, the separation would have been eternal and the sorrow inconsolable
This is the reality of a life not perfect
In a world temporal
With sweet memories created by love
And pain a result of inevitable losses
Yet a life of grace and love
Given and bought for by a Saviour
Who bought n gave hope unshakable
In the light of eternity
Thank you, mummy, for everything you have done for us. For all the unconditional love you gave to me. I never had a chance to give back to you for all the sacrifices and all the love you gave to me. In my lifetime I would have never been able to. I am and will always be grateful for being blessed with a mother like you, for having grown up in a home where I always knew I’d be loved, one which I was always able to run to for refuge.